i was born a porn star she said
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Randomize
