Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
