his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
