it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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