I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
