it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
