So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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