He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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