i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
