He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
4 words: hood of his car
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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