I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
