it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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