Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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