dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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