Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
