So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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