It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
