I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
