You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
