we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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