Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
