u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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