She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
