Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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