I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
