With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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