You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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