I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
