do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
