still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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