You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
