Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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