you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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