the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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