in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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