Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
