so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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