Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
