What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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