what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
