You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
