You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
