There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
