So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize