I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
