he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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