a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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