i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
