why didn't you poke me back
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
