Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
