I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
