at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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