Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
