fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
