yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
