I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
