I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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