After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
