I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
