just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
