I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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