Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
