Your mouth is God's brothel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
