kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
