whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
