I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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