Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
