I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
