Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
