she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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