wrigley field is MILF paradise
the condom got lost in my hair
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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