Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
